A Heart that Makes a House a Home

What is a home?

home

• a house, apartment, or other shelter that is the usual residence of a person, family, or household
• the place in which one’s domestic affections are centered
• any place of residence or refuge
• the destination or goal
• a principal base of operations or activities
• reaching the mark aimed at
• deep; to the heart
• into the position desired; perfectly or to the greatest possible extent
• in one’s own town or country
• in a situation familiar to one; at ease

This applies to any kind of home, whether there is one person or ten; whether you’re single, married, or single again; raising children or empty-nesting.  Our homes impact not only those who currently dwell there but all who come into our environment whether for an hour or for a lifetime.  Our job is to be willing vessels, to accept gratefully whomever the Lord sends us, to be His hands and feet, to be salt & light.

Eden was the garden home of Adam & Eve.  The Hebrew word “Ay-den” also means “delicate, delight, pleasure.”  A derived word, “Adan” means “to luxuriate” or “to revel.”

There are several Greek words used in the New Testament to denote “home.”  “Endemeo” means to be at home, and carries with it the themes of “a people bonded together by a particular identity”, “to be present”, and “to be amongst one’s own type of kindred or related people.”   “Epidemeo” means to be resident, to be at home, and carries with it the idea of making oneself at home, residing somewhere that was formerly foreign.  The most common Greek word for home is “oikos” which refers to a house, a dwelling, a household, a family, and a nation.

Here is a simple definition I came up with this week for “home” – A Christ-centered home is the place in which we reside, where Kingdom transformation occurs in the bodies, souls, and spirits of all who enter.  God intends for us to view our homes as places where abundant life flows.  Kingdom transformation includes salvation, deliverance, healing, restoration, and much more.  God is in the process of changing us and others, and our homes are vital to that work.  As women we are significant influencers to the tone, environment, the feel of our homes.  What we do, how we act, what we say or don’t say, how we treat others . . . have a huge impact on our homes and all those who enter.

I want to share with you a list of characteristics of a Christ-centered home.  I have not listed “prayer” or “the Bible” as separate characteristics – they are woven into the very fabric of everything I mention.  As Christians we are to live lives grounded in the word of God, and we can pray Scripture, pray each characteristic into the lives of not only ourselves but all who pass through our homes.

The way I’ve structured today’s teaching is to look at what our Christ-centered homes are not to be by comparing them with other places or situations.  You have a handout where we’ll fill in attributes of a Christian home, along with accompanying bible verses.  Please interrupt me if you have a question or comment and we’ll discuss as we go!

A Christ-centered home is not meant to be:

a reality show (place of pretend) – a home is to be a place where each person can be themselves completely – AUTHENTICITY (2 Thessalonians 3:7 (NASB) – “You yourselves know how you ought to follow our example, because we did not act in an undisciplined manner among you”)

a seesaw (place of imbalance) – we need more self-discipline in order to avoid extremes or falling into addictive behaviors – BALANCE (1 Corinthians 6:12 (NIV) – “”Everything is permissible for me”–but not everything is beneficial. “Everything is permissible for me”–but I will not be mastered by anything.”)

a boot camp (place of intimidation) – a home is a place where each person can live in boldness & confidence . . . when we are filled with the Holy Spirit, we are filled with boldness – think of Peter who was transformed from a lowly fisherman to a bold speaker and leader in the body of Christ . . . think of Gideon who was hiding when the angel of the Lord found him and said, “the Lord is with you, mighty warrior!”.  Boldness leads to a willingness to obey God regardless, go wherever He leads, speak whatever He tells us – BOLDNESS & CONFIDENCE (Acts 4:31 (NASB) – “When they had prayed, the place where they had gathered together was shaken, and they were all filled with the Holy Spirit and began to speak the word of God with boldness.”)

a castle or an aquarium (place of isolation) – There’s a saying that “every man’s home is a castle” but I don’t think this is what God intends for us.  He created us to be in community, in relationship – yes, there’s a place for getting away from the crowds and resting, but I believe God’s highest and best purpose for the home is to be a place where the Kingdom comes for not only those who live there but for all who enter.  We Americans tend to be very isolated – it has become rare for people to know their neighbors, to walk around their neighborhoods; we have elevated convenience and frugality over relationship, so we drive across town for shopping and services and dare I say it – church – and remain largely isolated from the people around us. – COMMUNITY (Acts 2:44 (NIV) – “All the believers were together and had everything in common.”)

a dogfight (place of anger & conflict) – a home is a place where conflicts are not avoided by escaping (running away, blaming, denial) or escalated by attacking (putdowns, gossiping, fighting), but a place where conflicts are worked out (overlooked if minor, talked about, seeking help for more serious situations) – CONFLICT RESOLUTION (Proverbs 15:1 (NIV) – “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”)

a bar (place of resentment) – Alcoholics Anonymous cites resentment as the number one offender and greatest threat to an alcoholic.  Resentment / ill will / offenses don’t just hurt us and others, they destroy and kill. – CONTENTMENT (Job 5:2 (NLT) – “Surely resentment destroys the fool, and jealousy kills the simple.”)

a factory (place of production & efficiency) – we are developing character in real people, not producing formulaic robots; each person is an awe-inspiring unique individual created in the image of Almighty God.  There’s nothing humdrum or routine about any one of God’s children.  Each is precious and amazing!  In need of a lot of work, yes, but what untapped potential – God’s plans for each one of us is beyond our comprehension.  We can slowly erode the foundation of our home by our laziness, our ‘never getting around to it’ (whatever ‘it’ may be), by neglect, by forgetting to pay a bill, by successfully putting things off, by not spending enough time at home.  Then there’s the problem of too much – too much TV, too much reading, too much shopping, too much time with friends, too much time spent on the phone or internet. – CREATIVITY, EXCELLENCE, & INDUSTRY  (Colossians 3:23 (NLT) – “Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people.”)

a haunted house (place of demonic habitation) – spiritual housecleaning, breaking generational curses, deliverance – DELIVERANCE (Luke 4:18 – 19 (KJV) – “The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he hath anointed me to preach the gospel to the poor; he hath sent me to heal the brokenhearted, to preach deliverance to the captives, and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty them that are bruised, To preach the acceptable year of the Lord.”)

a puppet show (place of manipulation) other people are not marionettes to do our bidding – EMPOWERMENT & MOTIVATION (Hebrews 10:24 (NLT) – “Let us think of ways to [not control, but] motivate one another to acts of love and good works.”)

a roast (place of insults) –  (everyone is on the same team, not rivals) – ENCOURAGEMENT (1 Thessalonians 5:11 (NIV) – “Encourage one another and build each other up”)

a dustbowl (place of neglect & carelessness) – one kind of neglect is self-explanatory.  Another kind is when we don’t equip someone to do what they are able to do for themselves.  God tells us to ask Him for wisdom.  He offers it to us as a free gift.  “Wisdom is the ability to use the best means at the best time to accomplish the best ends.  It is not merely a matter of information or knowledge, but of skillful and practical application of the truth to the ordinary facets of life.”  “Wisdom builds, and builds and builds, so avoid any attitude or act that doesn’t build.  We are either about the business of building the home, its atmosphere and its order, or we are pulling it down through destructive attitudes and neglect.  How we take care of the place, the people, the checkbook, the clothes, etc., is very telling.  Wisdom builds.” – EQUIPPING & WISDOM (Proverbs 31:26 (NIV) – “She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.”)

an airport (place of transience & strangers) – in the movie, “The Terminal” the main character is stuck in an airport terminal for months because of visa problems . . . a home is to be a place where each person is free from anxiety or constantly fretting about whether or not they’re going to have a place of belonging . . . home is a place where the inhabitants grow in relationship with each other, not just passing one another as ships in the night.  “Home’s not merely four square walls, Though with pictures hung and gilded; Home is where affection calls—Filled with shrines the heart hath builded.” (Samuel Philips)  What is the Christian home? Only in the sphere of Christianity does the true idea of home become fully developed. In primitive cultures, home was only a herding, a servitude. It was degraded as a scene of lust, with concubinage and polygamy. Plato, one of the most enlightened in the ancient world, promoted polygamy. Even in the ethics of Aristotle, the most lovely and sacred attributes of the family are totally discarded.  The Christian home is a true type of the church. The love of the family is self-denying and holy, like that between Christ and His church.  Walter Rauschenbusch writes, “The family is the most striking case of solidarity. It is first formed of two units at opposite poles in point of sex, experience, taste, need, and aims; and when they form it, they usually have as much sense of sacredness as their character is capable of feeling. When children are added, more divergences of age, capacity, and need are injected. Yet out of these contradictory elements a social fellowship is built up, which, in the immense majority of cases, defies the shocks of life and the strain of changing moods and needs, forms the chief source of contentment for the majority of men and women, and, when conspicuously successful, wins the spontaneous tribute of reverence from all right-thinking persons.” – FAMILY (Ecclesiastes 4:12 (NLT) – “A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.”)

a dungeon (place of torment) – In a Christ-centered home there should be no trace of revenge, no continual bringing up of past mistakes, which is a form of slow but certain torture. – FORGIVENESS (Matthew 18:33 – 35 (NIV) – “Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’ In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed. “This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart.””)

a straitjacket (place of extreme restrictiveness or imprisonment) – we can and should protect younger children but as they grow older there needs to be a gradual growth in freedoms; freedom to speak, to live, to choose, to face the consequences – FREEDOM (2 Corinthians 3:17 (NLT) – “For the Lord is the Spirit, and wherever the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.”)

a vacuum (place of void) – without the presence of Christ, we have nothing. – FRUITFULNESS (Proverbs 16:3 (NIV) – “Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and your plans will succeed.”)

a stockpile (place of hoarding) – God wants us to be stewards with one hand extended upward to receive whatever He gives us and another hand extended outward to help those in need (starting with our own family) – GENEROSITY (Philemon 1:6 (NLT) – “I am praying that you will put into action the generosity that comes from your faith as you understand and experience all the good things we have in Christ.”)

a gladiatorial game (place of abuse) – obviously abuse has no place in a Christ-centered home.  We are to be agents of healing not abuse. – HEALING (Luke 9:6 (NIV) – “They set out and went from village to village, preaching the gospel and healing people everywhere.”)

a tabloid (place of fabrication) – a home is an honest environment in which to contend with God / others in the family; I encourage my teens to wrestle with God and to ask Him & us hard questions; a home is a place to admit mistakes, to share inner thoughts & feelings – practical help in our family is to use a conversation-starter book at dinner sometimes – gives opportunity for each one to share honest feelings, both the highs and lows, model honest sharing with one another (show & tell) – HONESTY (Psalm 32:2 (NLT) – “Yes, what joy for those whose record the LORD has cleared of guilt, whose lives are lived in complete honesty!”)

a gauntlet (place of humiliation) – it’s important to change the way we relate to others as they change, especially with children; treating a 12 year old the same way we treated them when they were 2 can be humiliating – HONOR (1 Peter 2:17 (NASB) – “Honor all people, love the brotherhood, fear God, honor the king.”)

a whale’s belly (place of hopelessness & despair) – HOPE (Romans 15:13 (NIV) – “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”)

a class reunion (place of showing off) – Home shouldn’t be a place where we derive worth from what we or our home or our children look like or accumulate or achieve.  Humility is simply knowing how big God is and how little I am – when we get those in proper perspective we can give all glory to Him and be uninhibited conduits of His love and grace. HUMILITY (Psalm 18:27 (GWT) – “You save humble people, but you bring down a conceited look.”)

a workhouse (place of drudgery) – Christ redeems everything, including our minds and our – IMAGINATION (1 Corinthians 2:16 (NLT) – “For, “Who can know the LORD’s thoughts? Who knows enough to teach him?” But we understand these things, for we have the mind of Christ.”)

a biotech lab (place of cloning) – no cookie-cutter clones – it takes time and energy to relate to each person as an individual.  It’s easier to try to imitate what someone else did with their child or apply a formula you hear about in a book or seminar to your marriage, but Jesus saw the person right in front of him as a unique individual created in God’s image.  An interesting bible study would be to search the phrase “Jesus saw” – He saw each person, He saw their uniqueness, He saw their situation.  He didn’t spout easy formulas, fixes, lists, or laws.  Each person, each situation, is going to come to us with nuances and details that will mean exceptions for even the best-laid principles and practices.  We need to invest our hearts, not just our minds – not just analyze and fix but pause and prayerfully ask the Father what He’s doing, listen to Him, and love the person without being quick to label or put them in a box.  – INDIVIDUALITY (Genesis 16:13 (NIV) – “You are the God who sees me”)

a glass-bottomed boat (place of observation) – we are to interact with the world, not just observe it passively – INTERACTION (Matthew 5:14 – 16 (NIV) – “You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.”)

a cloister (place of seclusion) – I am not criticizing nuns!  I love getting away from it all.  But that’s not the primary or sole purpose of our homes, to seclude ourselves away from everyone else.  Maybe as the saying goes, loving God would be so much easier if it weren’t for the people!  God wants us to live not in independency or codependency, but – INTERDEPENDENCY (Acts 4:32 (NLT) – “All the believers were united in heart and mind. And they felt that what they owned was not their own, so they shared everything they had.”)

a comedy club (place of mocking) – it’s good to laugh together but there’s no place for mocking / cynicism / sarcasm in a home – humor at someone else’s expense is not funny – overusing humor is like the boy who cried wolf – JOY (Proverbs 15:13 (NASB) – “A joyful heart makes a cheerful face, But when the heart is sad, the spirit is broken.”)

a reform school (place of harsh & degrading discipline) – verse – His kindness leads us to repentance – KINDNESS (Proverbs 16:24 (NLT) – “Kind words are like honey–sweet to the soul and healthy for the body.”)

a war zone (place of hatred) but instead love – agape love is unconditional, without strings, selfless, sacrificial – LOVE (1 Timothy 1:5 (NLT) – “The purpose of my instruction is that all believers would be filled with love that comes from a pure heart, a clear conscience, and genuine faith.”)

a theme park (place of perpetual fun) – a common parenting style in our time is for parents to be their children’s buddies instead of their parents . . . there’s a reluctance to give rules or boundaries . . . this reminds me of the part in the story Pinocchio where the boys go to a place of perpetual fun, a place with no regard to good or evil, where they end up turning into donkeys, total fools – MATURITY (Hebrews 5:14 (NLT) – “Solid food is for those who are mature, who through training have the skill to recognize the difference between right and wrong.”)

a sports meet (place of rivalry) – there is room for healthy competition if it results in spurring both parties on to do better, but there is no room for one person feeling better about themselves at the expense of someone else – MUTUAL SUPPORT (Proverbs 15:15 (NLT) – “For the despondent, every day brings trouble; for the happy heart, life is a continual feast.”)

an avante-garde composition (place of chaos, alarm, filth) – both art and music have gone through periods where random, dissonant, clashing sights or sounds have been thrown at us as chaotic, thoughtless compositions, in order to shock and alarm.  “Beauty and familiar surroundings have an effect on the physical, psychological, and even spiritual state.”  Kristen Sykes will be talking more about this in a couple of weeks’ time. – ORDER & BEAUTY (Ecclesiastes 3:11 (NIV) – “He has made everything beautiful in its time.”)

a circus (place of chaos) – Sometimes our laundry piles may seem like total chaos and it’s easy to get overwhelmed in the midst of the busyness of life.  We can take baby steps towards order and peace by addressing one small area or issue at a time.  It’s important that we leave space in our lives – space to breathe, space to rest, space to deal with things along the way.  God wants us to live in a place of peace 24/7, not just at select times. PEACE (1 Corinthians 14:33 (NIV ) – “God is not a God of disorder but of peace”)

a ghetto (place of fear) – an environment of fear equals an environment of pain.  Our homes are to be places of safety where there are no looming threats.  Our homes are like cities of refuge where there is shelter from the storms of life. – PROTECTION (1 John 4:18 (BBE) – “There is no fear in love: true love has no room for fear, because where fear is, there is pain; and he who is not free from fear is not complete in love.”)

a red light district (place of sexual sin) – This is a pervasive, pandemic problem . . . movies, internet, pornography – PURITY (Philippians 4:8 (NLT) – “Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.”)

a desert (place of desolation & lack) – whether we have a lot of material goods or not, our home is to be an oasis.  Even a cup of cold water is a feast to a thirsty person. – REFRESHMENT & PROVISION (Matthew 7:11 (NIV) – “If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!”)

a traffic jam (place of stress) – “When the pressures of the world intrude, there is no shelter like a peaceful home . . . Mrs. Dwight Eisenhower had the goal for her famous husband and president of the United States to build a home where he belonged to her world, a world of lighthearted family life where there were no pressures.” – REFUGE & REST (Proverbs 14:26 (NASB) – “In the fear of the LORD there is strong confidence, And his children will have refuge.”)

a dictatorship (place of tyranny) – each person in our homes deserves a measure of respect, whether they are parent or child, old or young, working or studying or ailing or trying to find employment.  In a dictatorship only the wishes of the elite are taken into consideration.  In our homes, each person should be seen, heard, valued, and respected. – RESPECT (Romans 13:7 (NIV) – “Give everyone what you owe him: If you owe taxes, pay taxes; if revenue, then revenue; if respect, then respect; if honor, then honor.”)

a shooting range (place of target practice) – we are to build one another up, not take pot shots at one another and tear one another down – habit of speaking words that bring life.  Anger out of control throws, slams, tears, and rips.  It breaks things as well as rules.  Anger out of control also speaks words that break, destroy, ruin, and kill. – RESTORATION (Proverbs 14:1 (NIV) – “The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.”)

a talk show (place of exaggeration) – RIGHTEOUSNESS (Colossians 3:9 (NIV) – “Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices”)

a roller coaster (place of inconsistency) – emotions should be expressed and life changes will occur, but sudden wide changes or not knowing what’s coming next can produce insecurity and anxiety.  “A secure home life tends to reduce frustration and uneasiness in one’s life, and it gives us the ability to cope with pressures more effectively.” – SECURITY (Proverbs 12:25 (NLT) – “Worry weighs a person down; an encouraging word cheers a person up.”)

a padded cell (place lacking in color, dampened emotions) –  in our homes, God wants us to share laughter, tears, possessions, responsibilities, emotions, meals – emotional health – family meal table . . . sharing our homes means sharing what we have (space, time, hearts, family, food) – SHARING (1 Thessalonians 2:8 (NIV) – “We loved you so much that we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well, because you had become so dear to us.”)

a sweatshop (place of danger & exploitation) – not slavery, but – SONSHIP (Romans 8:15 (NIV) – “You did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.””)

a talent show (place of competition & performance) – we are to prefer one another in love, treat others fairly and not pit them against one another, unconditional love – SUPPORT & PATIENCE (Romans 12:10 (NIV) – “Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves.”)

a courtroom (place of legalism) – we all mess up; truth is important but so is grace; a home is not the place to dissect and interrogate one another endlessly, continually dredging up guilt and history – yes, there’s a place for asking questions and getting answers, but not like lawyers who browbeat witnesses to the breaking point . . . unconditional love should be the rule – TRUTH & GRACE (Ephesians 4:15 (NLT) – “We will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church.”)

a boxing ring (place of fighting) – Ralph & Vicki & Austin just returned from a ministry trip to Russia, and reported that they felt a greater anointing than ever before.  I believe this is a direct result of the fact that each one in their home ministered together in unity.  God reserves a special blessing when we pursue the path of unity, laying down our individual preferences and agendas and go in the same direction as others in the body of Christ. UNITY (Psalm 133:1, 3 (NASB) – “Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brothers to dwell together in unity! . . . For there the LORD commanded the blessing—life forever.”)

a museum (place to display lifeless objects) – have you ever seen photos of figures in Madame Tussaud’s museum?  They look so real, so perfect – too perfect!  We can get so fixated about having everything look a certain way that we forget that our homes are for living people with real needs.  Every day God sends us hungry, thirsty, lonely, naked, sick, imprisoned people, if only we have eyes to see.  We can involve all members of our household in welcoming others and being channels of life. – WELCOME & LIFE (Matthew 25:34 – 36 (ISV) – “Come, you who have been blessed by my Father! Inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world, because I was hungry, and you gave me something to eat. I was thirsty, and you gave me something to drink. I was a stranger, and you welcomed me. I was naked, and you clothed me. I was sick, and you took care of me. I was in prison, and you visited me.” John 10:10 (NLT) – “My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life.”)

a line (place of boredom & apathy) – I am almost never bored, but honestly waiting in line to get my driver’s licence comes as close to driving me up the apathetic wall as anything.  God wants us to cultivate in ourselves and others a sense of awe and wonder.  He is beyond comprehension; His creation is too immense and intricate to observe in even a generous lifetime.  We can encourage ourselves and others to live in wonder at God and His creation by – taking time to look upward and outward, reading great books, engaging in stimulating conversations, . . . – WONDER (Habakkuk 1:5 (NASB) – “Look among the nations! Observe! Be astonished! Wonder! Because I am doing something in your days– You would not believe if you were told.”)

a spa (place of hedonism) – We end with the most important commandments – our homes are to be places of WORSHIP & SERVICE (Luke 10:27 (NIV) – “’Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’”)

A Christ-centered home is a place characterized by:

• authenticity
• balance
• boldness & confidence
• community
• conflict resolution
• contentment
• creativity, excellence, & industry
• deliverance
• empowerment & motivation
• encouragement
• equipping & wisdom
• family
• forgiveness
• freedom
• fruitfulness
• generosity
• healing
• honesty
• honor
• hope
• humility
• imagination
• individuality
• interaction
• interdependency
• joy
• kindness
• love
• maturity
• mutual support
• order & beauty
• peace
• protection
• purity
• refreshment & provision
• refuge & rest
• respect
• restoration
• righteousness
• security
• sharing
• sonship
• support & patience
• truth & grace
• unity
• welcome & life
• wonder
• worship & service