Apply lotion wherever chafing occurs
Chafing is skin damage caused by repetitive rubbing resulting in an area that is often painful, tender, and raw. This time of year, I tend to be more prone to chafing and find myself applying lotion often, especially on those places where my skin tends to crack, usually my hands. The dry air and heat seem to conspire together to provoke our skin to act up. Being proactive about taking care of dry skin seems to help avert a whole host of issues. Runners apply lotion before setting out in order to prevent and heal any damage caused by chafing.
Similarly, we can be alert and proactive about those things that cause cracks in our souls or broken places in our relationships. The Mayo Clinic website says that unforgiveness can be an underlying cause for relationship problems, mental health issues, anxiety, stress, increased blood pressure, depression, a weaker immune system, heart issues, and lower self-esteem. Unforgiveness can present as being offended, bitter, hostile, or even having a desire for revenge. Lack of forgiveness doesn’t tend to go away or diminish with time. Quite the opposite – it will only fester and grow and cause a great deal of harm if we don’t deal with it. And by “deal with it”, I mean deal with the root causes, not just slap a bandage over the external presentation. Just like that frustrating whack-a-mole game, until we deal with underlying roots, the resultant problems will just continue to pop up somewhere else.
C. S. Lewis famously stated in his classic “Mere Christianity” – “Everyone thinks forgiveness is a lovely idea until he has something to forgive.” We don’t forgive because it’s easy. We don’t forgive only when we feel up to it. We forgive because it’s the right thing to do, because we’re forgiven by God, because God said to forgive. Unforgiveness poisons our souls and harms relationships, preventing growth in depth or intimacy (including with God) because we simply cannot selectively open or close our hearts. True forgiveness – acknowledging that even though real hurt / offense / wrong has occurred, and choosing to let go of any expectation that the other person will do anything at all to make things right – brings healing to our souls and the possibility of depth and greater intimacy to relationships (including God).
Let’s look at what God has to say to us about preventing and dealing with soul chafing.
Galatians 5:15 (NLT) – “if you are always biting and devouring one another, watch out! Beware of destroying one another.”
Proverbs 18:19 (NLT) – “An offended friend is harder to win back than a fortified city. Arguments separate friends like a gate locked with bars.”
Ephesians 4:29–32 (ESV) – “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”
Matthew 18:15–18 (The Message) – “If a fellow believer hurts you, go and tell him—work it out between the two of you. If he listens, you’ve made a friend. If he won’t listen, take one or two others along so that the presence of witnesses will keep things honest, and try again. If he still won’t listen, tell the church. If he won’t listen to the church, you’ll have to start over from scratch, confront him with the need for repentance, and offer again God’s forgiving love. Take this most seriously: A yes on earth is yes in heaven; a no on earth is no in heaven. What you say to one another is eternal. I mean this.”
Proverbs 12:15–19 (NLT) – “Fools think their own way is right, but the wise listen to others. A fool is quick-tempered, but a wise person stays calm when insulted. An honest witness tells the truth; a false witness tells lies. Some people make cutting remarks, but the words of the wise bring healing. Truthful words stand the test of time, but lies are soon exposed.”
How can we tell where chafing is present? Pay attention to your thought life. Are you experiencing recurrent negative thoughts about a person or situation? Are you having trouble enjoying the present or being fully present in the present? Do you find yourself rehearsing what you would say if you had the opportunity to set someone straight? Do you wish bad things would happen to someone else? Are you tempted to tell lies in order to feel that you are better than another? Do you think about repaying hurt for hurt? These are all indicators of soul chafing and that we have more forgiveness work to do. One helpful thing to remember is that forgiveness is not an event but a process. Jesus taught us that when we pray, we are to ask God to “forgive us our sins, as we have forgiven those who sin against us” (Matthew 6:12, NLT). Forgiveness is a daily practice, a lifelong process, a tool in our spiritual toolbelt that will help us to live in the freedom for which Christ Jesus set us free!
Another indicator of chafing is to listen to what those closest to you say or ask about you. Often others notice things going on that we are blind to ourselves. Surround yourself with safe yet honest friends who love you enough to tell you the truth in love. Whatever is going on inside of us tends to pop out of our mouths, especially when we are SALT-y (Sad, Angry, Lonely, or Tired). We can listen to and glean from what others say, even if they speak imperfectly. Be that kind of friend to others, one who isn’t afraid to ask some hard questions occasionally.
When we realize we have some chafing, what kind of lotion should we apply? Just as all creams are not created equal, we need to know what is needed in order to promote healing. A traditional African-American spiritual speaks beautifully of the balm that we all need to bring healing to our very souls:
“There is a balm in Gilead
To make the wounded whole;
There is a balm in Gilead
To heal the sin-sick soul.
Some times I feel discouraged,
And think my work’s in vain,
But then the Holy Spirit
Revives my soul again.”
The Holy Spirit is the one who heals us from the inside out as we trust and follow Jesus. The Apostle Paul wrote a beautiful passage in one of his letters that helps us to know just how to apply this lotion of healing. Colossians 3:12–15 (NLT) – “Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful.”
If you’ve ever tried to do anything with chafed skin, you’ll know it’s limiting, frustrating, arduous, even painful. It can open us up to all kinds of damage, and it makes us more susceptible to carrying germs that can be damaging to others. Let’s apply God’s lotion of grace, gentleness, goodwill, honesty, humility, healing, forbearance, fortitude, forgiveness, and love to every part of our lives, relationships, and circumstances, so that we will be filled with peace and joy and righteousness, and nothing would hinder us or another from being and doing all that God created us to be and do.
Where in your life is there some chafing?
What is God’s invitation to you today?
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