We are passionate about adoption! It has been our privilege to not only adopt two children of our own, but to encourage and consult with many families over the years – before, during, and after their own adoption journeys. God commands us to care for orphans and widows in their distress precisely because He has a heart for every individual, each of whom He created in His image, to thrive and live the abundant life for which He created us, in intimate relationship with Him and in a family.
We firmly believe that God can heal the deepest hurts, even the hurts caused by abandonment. God has already done so much healing in K’s and E’s bodies, minds, brains, and hearts. We remain hopeful that He will continue the healing work He started and complete it in every part of our precious daughters. We have experienced almost all of the effects described in the following articles – we include them here as an encouragement to other adoptive families (parents & children) to realize they are not alone, and that with love, perseverance, prayer, community support, encouragement, thick skin, and a great sense of humor, you can not only survive but thrive! We are still in process in our own family, but we trust God to do what only He can do as we seek to love simply and well as best we know how, taking one step at a time, breathing deeply, and resting in God’s great love for us AND our children.
The most important thing Paul & I have tried to convey to our adopted daughters over the course of their lives is that even though their biological mother(s) and father(s) abandoned them, God did not (additionally, we have always forgiven their biological parents and sought to honor them, because they chose life and not abortion)! God has always been there for K & E and always will be, just as He has always been there for each of their other siblings. Jesus loves them unconditionally. We love them unconditionally and as long as we have life and breath, will always be there for them to the best of our ability, just as we are for our biological children. These are truths that most children accept easily and quickly in early childhood. Accepting that you are loved unconditionally is something that can be a deep-seated struggle for many adoptive children.
Adoption in Romania
* Here’s an article about the history of adoption in Romania. E & K were the last
children adopted from our adoption agency before the Romanian government
suspended adoptions. We met several families who were heartbreakingly caught
“in limbo” and likely never brought their children home (legally
theirs, but unable to leave the country).
* Here’s an article describing ongoing life challenges after adoption
* Another article
that mentions the lasting effects common to children who were institutionalized
in Romania.
* Here’s another article on the lasting impact of neglect.
* Another article on post-orphanage behavior.
Why did Paul & Karen decide to adopt?
That’s easy! Three main reasons:
- “Jesus loves the little children, all the children of the world!”
- James 1:27–“Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.”
- Ephesians 1:4-6–“In love he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will–to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves.”
Click here for our adoption story.
Legacy of an Adopted Child
(author unknown; tweaked by Karen)
Once there were two women, who never knew
each other . . .
One you do not remember, the other you call mother.
Two different lives, shaped to make yours one . . .
One became your guiding star, the other became your sun.
The first gave you life and the second taught you to live it.
The first gave you a need for love, and the second was there to give it.
One gave you a nationality, the other gave you a name.
One gave you a seed of talent, the other gave you an aim.
One gave you emotions, the other calmed your fears.
One could have seen your newborn face, the other dried your tears.
One gave you up . . . it was all she could do.
The other prayed for a child, and God led her straight to you.
And now you ask me, through your fears,
the age old question through the years . . .
Heredity or environment . . . which are you the product of?
Neither, my darling, neither . . .
Just two different kinds of love.
Click here for our post-adoption updates, including sections on strabismus, flat head, developmental delays, sensory integration disorder / dysfunction (SID), sleepless in Atlanta, and most importantly, reactive attachment disorder.
We encourage all of our kids to think about and focus on what is good, holy, true, and beautiful, and to let God help them dismantle lies one at a time. Emotional health necessitates regularly practicing forgiveness, but this practice seems to be more arduous for some than others. We can’t “fix” anyone else, but we know that God will continually pursue each of our children, including each of our adoptive children, with His perfect love, so our constant prayer is that they would surrender to His love and allow Him to heal the depths of their hearts, souls, and minds.
Certainly the brokenness that accompanies circumstances surrounding adoption is not the only kind of brokenness in the world. We have personally experienced and known many others who have been greatly helped and found lasting freedom through a combination of prayer, skillful counseling, supportive community, and some very hard life events that often serve as wake-up calls of sorts. We each have a choice to ignore pain, stuff it, fight it, or face it and receive healing from God in whatever ways He chooses to give it. We can walk in isolation or restoration with family members and others in our community. God desires each of us to live in freedom – He loves us so very much, and He loves our kids even more than we do. We keep our eyes on God and trust Him to complete the good, holy, and beautiful work He is doing in each one!
How may I encourage you in your adoption journey?
