Turning 13

When our children were very young, a desire began to stir in us to call our children into adulthood at age 13. We realized that many who are technically or legally adults are still stuck in childish ways of thinking or acting, and we wanted to help our children make this very important transition beginning at 13 (following the Jewish tradition of bar mitzvah). Becoming an adult is more of a process than an instantaneous event that occurs at 18 or 21. So here’s what we’ve done to help our children make this monumental transition:

* We went to a restaurant for a very special meal where a group of friends & family of the same gender gathered together for a calling into manhood / womanhood. These evenings were so important and special. Each of our children shared their testimonies and then Paul (for the boys) or I (for the girls) spoke to them publicly about what it means to be a godly man or woman. We called them forward into manhood / womanhood, marking forever the time when that transition began. From that point on, we seek to treat them as adults and not as children, allowing them to make more decisions and take on more responsibilities. Each guest present at that ceremony had the opportunity to speak into their lives with words of wisdom, advice, affirmation, encouragement. Then there was a prayer time for them and gifts were presented. These were very, very special evenings, priceless memories.
* We gave our children the first of 6 special gifts for ages 13 – 18. For our sons, we gave each one a real piece of armor each year, per Ephesians 6 – belt of truth / breastplate of righteousness / shoes of peace / shield of faith / helmet of salvation, sword of the Spirit. For our daughters, we gave each one these special gifts, one per year: a purity ring / hope chest / moebius necklace with a Scripture engraved / fancy makeup chair / matching luggage set / special ring with gemstone.
* We took each of our children on a special father/son or mother/daughter trip (Paul & Peter went to a mountain in Colorado, Paul & Jonathan went to Texas to see the Alamo, Paul & Michael went to Lake Tahoe & Yosemite, Karen & Cascade went to Lake Chelan in the Cascade Mountains, Karen & Karis went to the Grand Canyon & other parks, Karen & Esther went to Lake Tahoe). Each trip was super special!
* We raised each of our children to share a room with two other siblings (3 boys, 3 girls). At age 13, each of them got their own room for at least 2 years.
* At age 13, they no longer had a set time to go to sleep, helping them to manage their time well before driving or heading off to college. We’ve noticed with each one that they really enjoyed their bedtime privileges and were pretty sleepy the first few months. But they eventually come to the conclusion already that it’s wise to get a decent night’s sleep when you can 🙂

What we did for calling into manhood:
Paul opened in prayer, thanking God for Peter / Jonathan / Michael, asking for Father God’s blessing, affirming that Peter / Jonathan / Michael is becoming a man now.
Paul explained why each person had been invited, because they were an elder or close friend in Peter’s / Jonathan’s / Michael’s life.
Everyone ate the meal together.
During the meal, watch the short video of Peter’s / Jonathan’s / Michael’s life.
Peter / Jonathan / Michael shared their testimony, Scripture verses that have meant something to him along the way, thank everyone for coming and blessing him.
Then each guest had a chance to share with Peter / Jonathan / Michael, starting with their name, their relationship to him, how long they’d known him, followed by wisdom / advice / encouragement / affirmation.
Paul read out tributes from Karen and the girls, then shared indepth last.
Paul described new privileges that go with turning 13 in our family (special father / son trip; staying up late; more responsibility in leading family devotions; more household responsibilities; own bedroom).
Paul & everyone prayed a blessing over Peter / Jonathan / Michael.

What we did for calling into womanhood:
(yes, this is the actual “script” I wrote, benefiting greatly from Paul’s experience in having done this 3 times before my turn came along :))

Welcome, everyone! I want to tell you the overall plan for this evening so you’ll know what to expect. First we’re going to enjoy a meal together, then we’ll have a little ceremony where Cascade / Esther / Karis and I will share with you, I’ll call her into womanhood, and then you’ll have an opportunity to share with her, and we’ll close with a group prayer for Cascade / Esther / Karis. So before we go and get our food, I want to thank each of you for coming – this is a very special event for our family and especially for Cascade / Esther / Karis, something she has been looking forward to for her entire life. Many years ago the idea for this was birthed in Paul’s and my heart, to call our children into adulthood when they reached the age of 13. Tonight’s celebration is a significant part of this transition. Cascade / Esther / Karis will be leaving childhood behind and more fully embracing the privileges and responsibilities that come with adulthood. Let’s thank God for this time and enjoy our meal together! (pray)

(eat)

Cascade / Esther / Karis, come stand beside me.
We’re going to begin our ceremony now.

Cascade / Esther / Karis, you are my daughter, whom I love. With you I am well pleased. Cascade / Esther / Karis, I rejoice in the way you are growing into the woman God made you to be. It is your daddy’s and my prayer that you will love God and continue living for Him with all of your heart, soul, mind, and strength, all the days of your life. I want you to know that we, your parents, siblings, family, and friends, will always, to the best of our ability, be here for you, to love you, encourage you and help you. I love you, Cascade / Esther / Karis, and I bless you in Jesus’ name.

Today we are here to call Cascade / Esther / Karis into womanhood. When do we stop being girls and become women? It’s not a single isolated event, but a process. It takes time. But today marks the end of childhood for Cascade / Esther / Karis, and the start of becoming a woman. Today we are putting a marker in the ground as Cascade / Esther / Karis crosses over from girlhood to womanhood.

The word “woman” carries a lot of different implications with it. There are a lot of warped ideas in the world about what a woman is – it’s important that you know what God has to say since He invented womanhood! Cascade / Esther / Karis, I want you to always remember that God created you to be a woman, and He loves you with an everlasting love. Genesis 1:27 says, “God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.” God created you, fearfully and wonderfully, in His image. He has a beautiful plan for you, personally, Cascade / Esther / Karis, as He does for each person. Being a woman means knowing God intimately and knowing who He has made you to be.

I have great news for you! Not only did God create us for relationship with Him, but He also created us for relationship with others. The life God intended for each of us, which Jesus summed up in the words, “love God, love people” is a lifelong journey. None of us is expected to walk this journey alone. God has given you, Cascade / Esther / Karis, your family and friends, to help you along the way. My best advice for you is to put God first in everything, daily go to Him in prayer and Bible study, and stay closely connected with other followers of Christ. God is the source of wisdom, peace, joy, and true and lasting satisfaction. Jesus said that He is the way, the truth, and the life. Stick with Him and He’ll guide you and fulfill you beyond your wildest dreams!

Cascade / Esther / Karis, are you ready to move into womanhood?

Cascade / Esther / Karis, today I invite you to leave your childhood behind. I call you forward into womanhood and welcome you as a woman.

(hug, photos :))

May the Lord bless you and keep you. May the Lord make His face to shine upon you and be gracious unto you. The Lord lift up His countenance upon you and give you peace.

For the next part of our ceremony, we’re going to read a book that has been very special to Cascade / Esther / Karis over the years. It’s called, “The Princess and the Kiss.”

I have a special gift for you, Cascade / Esther / Karis. It’s a silver ring that symbolizes purity. It’s inscribed with the words, “true love waits.” This ring symbolizes the key to your heart. It is a powerful reminder of the value and beauty of purity, and of the importance of saving sex for marriage. The ring also symbolizes a covenant between you and God. A covenant works both ways – it is not only you making a commitment to God, but God making a commitment to you. God is faithful, and when you walk according to His ways, He will bless you beyond measure. In receiving this ring, I would like you to commit yourself to keeping your body and your heart pure before God. Temptation will come at you from every direction. I pray that God will deliver you from each temptation and give you the strength to say “no” to sin and “yes” to godliness. I pray that one day, in God’s perfect timing, that He would bless you with a godly husband who will love you as Christ loves the church. Your daddy and I dedicated you to God before you were even born, and we know that your life and your future are in His loving hands. Today I ask that you make a solemn commitment before God and your family and friends to choose a life of purity. This commitment is a commitment to God, to yourself, to your family, to your friends, and to your future husband and children.

Cascade / Esther / Karis, are you willing to make this commitment?

Then repeat after me:
“Believing that true love waits, I make a commitment to God, myself, my family, my friends, my future mate, and my future children to a lifetime of purity including sexual abstinence from this day until the day I enter a biblical marriage relationship.”

(give her the ring) Cascade / Esther / Karis, my prayer for you is that whenever you look at this ring, you will remember the commitment you have made, and you will entrust your heart and your future to God.

(Cascade’s / Esther’s / Karis’s turn to speak)

Cascade / Esther / Karis, I am confident that each person here tonight counts it a privilege, as I do, to encourage you, support you, and teach you as you become a godly, honorable woman. We’re going to share our thoughts with you on what it means to be a godly woman, and then we’re going to pray a blessing on your life. Now I would like to invite those of you who would like to, to come up here and speak words of blessing, encouragement, advice, Scriptures, or words of wisdom to Cascade / Esther / Karis. Start by saying your name and how you know Cascade / Esther / Karis. We will close with a group prayer at the end.

(Group prayer time)